Is there a "Your ass is out the door" card?

I didn't think greeting cards could get any more ridiculous. But I was wrong. The "Secret Lover Collection" appears to be marketed towards people engaged in adulterous relationships. There's Valentine's Day, birthday and holiday cards... and then there's the "let's dump our partners and be together", the booty call, the "weekend is over" and "this shit is too much drama, so fuck it!" cards. But perhaps, the worst of all is "your sweet scent" or, "dude, your skanky ass needs a shower."


Cover

I just love breathing you in...

Inside

I love your sweet smell...”your” scent.I can’t find it in a bottle...it’s the delicious smell of your soul.

Sometimes after I leave you I still smell your sweet scent and it makes me smile.

I wish I could keep your scent in a bottle so when we are apart I can imagine you next to me.
I can’t wait to breathe you in again.

Ewww! That one really skeeves me out. Not only is it gross, but it's just wrong. On so many levels. And all the other greetings are nearly as bad.

Cover
Just when I thought I would never find my true love – you came along... Inside
My soul has been searching for you since I came into this world.

All my life I have had this emptiness inside, like a part of me was missing and I was incomplete...
And now I can’t imagine my life without you...
Even if I have to share you.

I love you

It's horrible! And not because of the context. Anyone who sends these cards is asking to be dumped. If you're going