The alarm sounds, and I roll over. I have no desire to rouse myself. More than anything, I want to bury myself inside the covers and disappear. It's not that I ever looked forward to going in to work - who really does? But now I simply want to hide. I don't want to face anyone, or anything. And even if I were to give in, and shutter myself in my home, it would not be much of a respite. I can't hide from myself. I know I'd wind up lying there in the same semilucid state as before the alarm, battling demons in my mind. I long for some kind of draught that will bring lasting peace to my weary heart. I've thought of escaping... to Los Angeles, to New York, even to Paris. Anywhere but here. But my demons will follow me wherever I go. There is no escape.
Loved ones and friends I didn't realize I had have reached out to me and tried to comfort me. I appreciate it - really, I do. It moves me to tears, sometimes, realizing how much others care. But it is I alone who has to decide where my path lies. It's hard enough right now, to figure out plans for the next week, let alone the future. I guess I'll have to take it one day at a time.